Confusion

It was raining heavily outside and as I sat down in my cubicle with a coke can in my hand suddenly a thought came to my mind, Who am I?, What I want?, Why am I here?.........

Water was sliding through the windows and I could see my reflection into it. A clear face of confusion, curiosity, desperation and desire - all mixed emotions erupted. It was like a fisherman completely lost and alone into ocean with nowhere to go. I always thought that I knew myself better than anyone but when my insides asked me, I was left speechless. It suddenly sounded the toughest and most brutal question of my entire life.

Still, thinking and chilling with my Coke can, I tried to convince myself and started to think that I can fool my insides with vague thoughts and unjustified explanations. But at the bottom of my heart I knew that one can fool the whole world but not himself. So I started to think seriously. Still, water drops were hitting hard on the glasses and the silence was creeping slowly and slowly inside me. It was getting darker and darker inside me as it was getting outside. There are times in a person's life where he is completely lost and left alone and he desperately tries to find an escape.

The first thought that came into my mind was "I am a simple person with some responsibilities, many ambitions and desires to fulfill" - a well known cliché. Then my mind was filled with the memories of past and I realized that I was not this confused earlier, when life was easy and full of joy. I used to enjoy it and live with it, never giving thought about what will happen next or what I am going to do. Like - "A Boy for the Moment". But now, as i see myself, I realize I have changed as a person, a lot. I have become more reserved, calm and composed and I always think twice, before I act on something. It’s like always thinking about pros and cons of situations and analyzing the things. Like - A Man with many Fears. Now I realize that I have certain responsibilities on me – of myself and my family. There are some other parts of life which should be now touched and explored. A totally different lifestyle waits for me in near future.

As I took the last sip of my Cool Coke, I realized that I always wanted myself to be responsible, a mature person and also a source of expectations of my family and society. I realized that I have discovered some untouched and never seen aspects of my life.

Suddenly I realized that all the clouds of confusion, curiosity and desperation have evaporated and now I could see a glimpse of confidence on my face. Now I knew who am I?, What I want?, Why am I here......

If anybody asked me I could answer and as they say I am a simple person with some responsibilities, many ambitions and desires to fulfill